TA Talks: Thayer Junior Meets OCD Challenges Head-On 

Ana Sullivan ’27 has battled, and continues to battle, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and anxiety. During a recent TA Talks, however, the junior shared her struggles, her victories, and one important message: no one is alone in the fight. 

“Some of you might understand very personally why I do these things (her symptoms of OCD) and there are probably a lot of you who don’t,” she told her Upper School audience. “That’s okay, you don’t have to, but I do know that at some point in your life, you will find yourself feeling crazy — like you’re the only person in the world who feels a certain way or thinks a certain way. In those moments, it’s important to remember that you are not and that being ashamed of how you feel doesn’t solve anything. Owning it is the first step to overcoming it.” 

Sullivan used her TA Talks remarks to discuss her own history with OCD, a condition where one experiences uncontrollable negative or uncomfortable thoughts that cause that person to perform behaviors, or compulsions. In fourth grade, for instance, Sullivan developed an obsession and irrational fear of tsunamis, so much so that she refused to sit with her family at Nantasket Beach, opting for what she deemed a “safer” spot at the top of the beach. 

“My worry was ‘crazy’ — it made no logical sense, even to me,” she said. “But every time I blinked, I saw that giant wall of water roaring towards me and no higher ground to escape to in sight.” 

According to Sullivan, it was around this time that she also developed a series of superstitions, some relatively harmless and others quite debilitating. She refused to throw out any school papers, stopped reading before bed, and in seventh grade wore the exact same outfit to school every Wednesday. She then stopped eating apples, had to place her backpack in a certain spot lest harm come to a family member, and meticulously laid out her books every night on the living room table until they “felt right.” By high school, she said, she could no longer listen to new music, could no longer watch new TV shows or movies, and could no longer bring water bottles to school. 

“The things that I had really loved had become almost threatening, as if just enjoying them would cause harm to everyone around me,” Sullivan said. “Between the things I had to do and the things I couldn’t do, I was stuck, with not beyond the superstitions I had to do to keep me completely safe.” 

Things began to take a turn for the better in ninth grade, she said, when Sullivan began exposure therapy, whereby she gradually stopped doing her routines to weaken the brain pathways that, until then, were being reinforced daily. One such exposure was that year’s sTAnds talk (a ninth grade public speaking event) where she told her English class — and later the entire ninth grade class — about “Dave,” the tattered winter jacket that she simply had to wear to school because it was the only jacket that wasn’t “bad luck.” Another exposure, she told her high school peers, was the very TA Talk that they were listening to. 

“There is so much power in facing the things that make you uncomfortable,” said Sullivan. 

The TA Talks format allows a student, faculty member, or staff member to deliver a 10- to 15-minute talk on a topic of personal significance. The speaker’s words are supported by images from their own collection as well as from student photographers, filmmakers, or artists whose work is sought specifically for the occasion.